I have often been asked, in Norway and Russia too, why I decided to look towards Russia when I wanted to find a girlfriend. There was more than one reason to this but one was prominent.
I grew up much like a nerd, interested in history, sciences and books and not so much interested in garment, dancing and idle chit-chat. I have one brother but no sister, and I grew up in a village at that time rather traditionbound - in other words one where he and she really lived at different planets and had few ideas about life at the other planet before they fell in love as teenagers. So when I came to the age when interest in girls grew, I had little insight in the life and desires of girls.
I remember study years as a very frustrating time of many, many romantic advances all ending in a dead end. I was simply not attractive to girls, I guess. The one exception to the rule was mentally unbalanced and fervently religious, so that relationship was doomed before it had started. So when I moved to my present home town, with a diploma in my luggage, I was susceptible to romantic advances from the other part - and I ended up in a ten year long affair with a woman who in the end developed a serious mental disturbance. A gentleman will not flee away from his lady when times are hard, but when she became violent to our son I took a handle on the case.
So there I was, finish with an exhausting and dear affair. My next one is going to have a calm mind and a flexible manner, I told myself. I decided to try my hand at a correspondence affair, then emotions could grow in spite of my awkward dancing feet and clumsy behaviour with women. So I put out a profile at a couple of free-to-post net sites for romance. But the response was disappointing, very few replies and even fewer serious ones. I remarked one fact though, more than half of those not so serious contacts came from abroad. So I decided that when I was to get serious about it I should look abroad. I guessed that women in Norway are used to being danced around by "lover-boys" with dancing abilities like Fred Astaire or John Travolta, and are less interested in correspondence romance.
I then gave a very serious thought to where this woman should come from. Russia & "almost Russia" stood out and for several reasons:
1. Russians etc. are northern peoples and have fewer problems with adapting to the local nature and climate in Norway than those from tropical countries. I am living at 69 degrees north after all.
2. I have been walking the streets in Russia and in Hungary, and seen how much simpler it is to find my way when the language is Indo-European, even with a different alphabet. It will probably be the same to her when she immigrates.
3. The main reason that I terminated my former relationship was her rising mental instability. But I can't deny that cultural difference - she was from the Middle East - gave a mighty contribution to the problems between us, so a cultural group closer to Norway than her was a desire.
4. The majority in Russia are like most in Norway, me included, not so strict about religion. A big difference in how fervently faith is practiced is a source for many antagonisms. That I vividly remember from my failed relationship during my study years.
5. Her geographical background does count because she will probably want to visit home from time to time. The distance to Russia is then much less than for instance to Thailand, at least for the European part of the country. Long distance voyages are unavoidably expensive voyages.
6. I can't deny that looks does matter to me. I must admit that African faces don't appeal to me while European faces with dark hair do. That is my personal taste and I do not demand this to be a norm for everyone.
7. It is always smart to get acquainted with the cultural background she belongs to. What is present at the internet about Russian cultural norms, habits, superstitions, manners etc. is endlessly far ahead of anything explaining about other countries of the world. It was my chance to know in advance what I was in for.
8. And finally off course, my own travels there does matter too. It for sure helps that Russia is an exciting country with proud history, good food, welcoming people...
My first romantic travel was a failure, I ended up with a woman who finally showed herself to desire a luxurious life and was willing to swindle all those who didn't qualify to her norm of affluence. That experience taught me a good deal about female dishonesty through electronic correspondence, so when I had my profile published I was able to pick out girls of low reputation. I have many letters of gratitude from agency managers when I have warned them about dishonest girls in their database, administrator at Dioritz too. I corresponded for five months before I went on to meeting with Margarita, all the time looking for not only dishonesty but also signs of personal incompatibility: temper, interests, tolerance... More than one connection broke and others never got started because of this.
So finally in September 2004 I went to Murmansk to meet with her. By then I was quite nervous, I had not yet formed any sure opinion of what she looked like for my inner eye - photographs Margarita had sent me showed both a slim girl and a well rounded one, this natural brunette has occasionallly dyed her hair black and other times blond, her hair is quite short now but she has formerly been wearing it long, and the garment she wore when we met at the airport was totally new to me. If she had not held up a sign at the airport I would hardly have been able pick her out. But she recognized me, we had many talks during that week and later on a long correspondence further, and what had been an interest soon grew to be true love. When I asked her for her big YES she knew me well enough to give me the great answer.
So to the question if a russian love affair is anything good my answer is a resounding and unequivocal YES ! Only make sure through the correspondence that you are in connection with:
A. An honest woman - follow the tips given in blacklists, here below are some good ones. Be aware of that marriage agencies can well be dens of fraud, so join a good one, for instance Dioritz.
B. A woman who is personally compatible with yourself. My advice is to read up on the culture where you decide to perform your search, here is a good site with tips about culture in
Russia and next door.
Her beauty does inescapably matter but I insist that it is vital to feel at harmony with her mind too. The lady of your choice may or may not be of a little special background but if she is good that shouldn't matter much - Margarita has a Kazan-tartarian mother but the old communist system was good at unifying the people: Russians, Ukrainians and Tartarians; atheists, orthodox and protestants; all such differences matter immensely much less in Russia than personal qualities.
Sorry, forgot to make clear precisely which my greatest motivation of all for looking towards Russia is. I have included this in the Norwegian language version coming shortly.
Simply it was the huge mass of available ladies. I could with reasonable assurance regard myself as good for at least some of them, without the coy game girls in Norway like to play: Come to me - come to me - come to me - oh shits you can go again, I am not interested in you after all... I know that I am not the only man frustrated by this game. I guess that this is her test to find out who are serious and attractive in all aspects, but I think it has also something to do with a conflict with the wishes of new Eve and the desires or old Eve. New Eve wants him to be comfortable with gender equality, old Eve wants a gentleman who is able to play on hidden desires. And now the catch: Eve doesn't accept that there is a conflict hidden here - that a gentleman who is king on the dancing floor and willing to sweet-talk her incessantly is awfully often unwilling to take his turn in the household chores. But when they want to get into contact with me, this problem is half solved already
PS! Also I include a wish of good luck, for both him and her looking for love at Dioritz!
Asgaut Bakke |
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